She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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