hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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