I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize