I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
