i will never coherently bang her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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