Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
