Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
