What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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