whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
