we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
