I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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