its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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