Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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