I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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