there's paper in my vomit.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
