My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
