next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
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