Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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