it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
