im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
