I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
