do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
