you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize