I puked a lego.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
