I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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