I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I understand Curling. That high.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
