Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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