The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
