Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
