i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
