I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
