smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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