i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
