In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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