Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
