I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
