I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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