Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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