You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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