Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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