I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
