I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My feet surprised me
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