I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
