im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
