mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
