I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
