If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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