fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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