I just saw a hot homeless man
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
