I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
