Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
