I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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