is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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