She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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