You were right. It hurts to walk today.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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