i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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