Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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