youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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