Your mouth is God's brothel.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
