The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize