So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
