No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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