his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
