some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
