I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
