i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up under a house in Key West
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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