she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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