I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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