Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
